Ask Sam letter


To Sam

whats ok and no okay

hi sam, my cousin likes to touch my privates, and I don't want them to but I can't tell anyone cause they won't believe me or I could get into trouble? what do I do?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

It's not okay for anyone to touch your privates if you don't want them to. It's never okay if they are an adult or someone in your family. You haven't done anything wrong and shouldn't get into trouble by telling someone.

It's against the law to touch someone’s privates if they haven't said that's okay. When this happens, it's called sexual abuse or sexual assault. When someone is being sexually abused it can cause them to have a lot of confusing feelings. This is especially true if it's someone in your family who does that to you. You're supposed to be able to trust your family, so when someone abuses that trust it can be difficult to understand what's happening.

It's ok to worry about what would happen if you told someone, but it's important to know that what your cousin is doing to you is wrong, no matter what age they’re. If you decide to tell it to a family member there might be some difficult conversations to have within the family,  but that's not your fault. You have to remember that you aren’t causing problems by telling someone what happened, your cousin is by sexually assaulting you. He or she is making the decision to do this to you, so they have to face the consequences of their actions.

When someone is sexually abused they might feel like nobody would believe them if they told others. This usually isn't what happens, most of the time your family will want to help you and make sure that this stops. If someone you tell doesn't believe you, that doesn't mean others won't. If you don't get the response you're looking for from one person then tell someone else. Adults are there to support and protect you, so they should take what you say seriously.

If you want to try talking to a Childline counsellor first that might help you decide what you would want to say. Our counsellors won't judge you and can usually keep what you say confidential.

Thanks for sharing this with me. I hope this has helped, thanks for your letter.


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