Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

want to be a goth...

Okay,so I'm really into black, and goth stuff, but I'm really worried people will bully me for it. My mum is also saying that she thinks goths are disgusting, even though she used to be a goth. I Bought this gorgeous top, with a fishnet shoulder ( like a lazy top, but fishnet rather than being a bare shoulder) and she yelled at me and said I look like a hooker and a whore. Should I just abandon goth or what????
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

You have the right to be treated with respect by the people around you, especially at home. It’s not okay that your mum is calling you these names.

As you get older you start to make more of your own decisions and explore different ways to express yourself. Everyone has the right to feel accepted for these choices. The way you choose to dress, the music that you like and your friends are all different parts of your identity and expressions of who you are. It’s okay to be different to the people around you, though it takes a lot of confidence to do that.

It’s not okay for your mum to call you names. If a member of your family bullies in this way it’s called emotional abuse. You may want to consider telling someone that you trust as they may be able to help stop what’s happening.

People who bully want to focus on something that makes another person stand out and use it to hurt them. They expect that their nasty comments will get a reaction. Negative comments can affect your confidence and self-esteem. Being assertive can help you to explain how you feel and stand up for yourself without being rude.

Thinking of ways for you to show the people who bully that you’re not affected by what they’re saying could help you to feel more confident and more in control of your decisions. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to change who you are to please others.

You can get support from other young people who are in a similar situation as you on the message boards or by talking things through with a ChildLine counsellor.

Take care,
Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter