Ask Sam letter

Hi I*,

Thanks for writing to me and telling me about how things are for you. I can hear that you are feeling really unhappy about the way that you look and it seems like the main reason you feel this way is because you have some moles. It can be hard when we feel unhappy about something that everyone can see and we feel is difficult to change in spite of how much we want to do this.
 
I can hear that you feel self-conscious about your moles and you feel that people look at them, it also seems like it is hurtful for you that people call you names. It can be really hard when people are picking out something that we don’t like about ourselves and it can make our feelings about that thing worse.  Sometime when people look at us, we automatically think that they are looking at the part of us we do not like, forgetting that it is always possible that that person could be thinking about something else completely.
 
You tell me that your friends and family tell you that you are pretty but you don’t believe them, perhaps it might be useful for you to think about what makes you believe the negative things people say and not the positive things you hear.   Compliments can be hard to hear and accept when they do not match our perception of ourselves.
 
It sounds like you feel stressed and low when you are getting ready to go out and it seems like you are looking for a way to reduce that and to feel more positive about your appearance.

From what you have told me it seems like you are focusing on what you see as the negative things about your appearance and I’m wondering what it would be like to think about the positive things about the way you look. Perhaps you could write these things down or ask friends and family what they think is good about the way you look.

There is a page on the ChildLine website about building confidence and self-esteem; perhaps it would be useful for you to have a look.

There is also a thread on the ChildLine message boards where other young people are talking about their favourite parts of themselves; this may help you to think of the positive things about yourself. 

You tell me that you wish you could remove them and it seems like you can see that cutting them off yourself wouldn’t be a good idea and may be very dangerous to your health. It sounds like you have thought about what it may be like to remove them and I’m wondering if you have thought about speaking to a doctor to see if there is anything they could do to help you with the appearance of your moles.  We can become so frustrated that we want to do things like this ourselves, however, it is always better to talk to a medical professional who will support you and talk through options with you to ensure that any potential procedure is done safely.

You have done really well to get in touch to tell me about how you are feeling and remember our ChildLine counsellors are here for you to talk to anytime, either by email, 1-2-1 chat or on the phone for free on 0800 1111.

Take care

Sam