Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Transgender male to female

Hi, i am male to female transgender. Can you please give me advice about next steps for me, I have 'come out' to my friend and my parents and don't really know where to go from here, some advice would really be appreciated

Ask Sam


Hi there,

When someone is transgender it means that they don’t feel like the gender they were born assigned at birth. Someone who is trans might feel like they’re in the wrong body and this can be a difficult thing to come to terms with and may mean friends and family having to get used to a change.

When someone begins to understand their gender they might prefer to wear clothes that match the gender they most identify with. It can also mean you want to change things about your body and how you look. These changes usually mean talking to people around you about your gender which can be a difficult thing to do.  Whatever changes you make should be respected by other people and no one should bully you for expressing your identity.

Some people choose a name and pronouns – like he/him, she/her, they/them – which feel right for them and start to use them with people who are supportive like close friends and family. That way, you can see what it’s like when other people refer to you as she instead of he.

You can talk to your doctor about your gender identity if you wanted to find out more about being trans or making changes to your body. Some changes are temporary and others are permanent and you’ll be given medical advice and information about what’s involved and counselling to help you decide what changes you want to make. You can take your time to decide what's best for you and you don’t need to have medication or treatment if you don’t want to

It’s important to have support with how you’re feeling. Telling other people about being trans can be scary, especially when you don’t know how they’ll react. Some people can be unkind or even abusive so if you feel unsafe or you’re worried about their reaction you should talk to an adult you trust. Often you’ll feel relieved that you don’t need to hide being trans anymore and most people will be glad that you’ve told them but only you can decide when it’s the right time and who you want to tell

You can talk to a counsellor at Childline or to other young people on the message boards for more support

Thank you for your letter.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter