Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi Sam.

i am a 13 year old girl, and there's not much to say really. I want to be a boy, when I was a bit younger about 2-9 years, I always said to my mom and dad I wanna be a boy but In a 'jokey' sort of way. I then started to wear more boy-ish clothes, and I started to change, I was happy. But then I thought to myself I'm a girl, so let's stick to being a girl? Right? Now I'm different, I don't wear them boy-ish clothes anymore, now I always wear leggings, dresses things like that. But then on social media I follow this person, and he was a girl but then he came out and is now transgender. He is a boy now, and I think I wanna be like that! But I can't. Help? I want to tell my parents but I don't know... I'm just not a confident person.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Gender is a really important part of an individual’s identity and it forms part of the person we are. As we grow and change from being a young person to a young adult, it’s very natural to consider and become more aware of what your gender is and what it means to you.

It's important to remember that when you're growing through puberty you don’t have to feel pressured to make any decisions too quickly. It's always okay to grow into the person you want to be. It’s natural to question who you are and who you want to be. All the time you are building upon ideas that feel right for you.

It may be that you continue to feel unsure about your gender. Perhaps when you are fully sure and a young adult you can make the steps to know what your options are around changing your gender.

There is no right or wrong way to be. If people only think of gender in 'normal' ways, stereotyping can start to happen. There is no such thing as normal.

Talking about gender is very healthy. You never have to feel like you need to hide how you feel or the person you want to be. Feelings may change, and that’s okay. But having support around you can help you to feel less isolated and more supported.

If it’s difficult to reach out with spoken words then you could write a letter to somebody you trust, like a family member. Or you could send a text message or email. Making that first step may feel difficult but equally so that living with a concern that is leaving you feeling worried and confused.

Remember there's always a counsellor at ChildLine who’ll be happy to listen and support you anytime you need to talk.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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