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To Sam

so confused.....

I think I'm in love with my best friend......who's a girl and so am I
I don't want to wreck our friendship by telling her
I don't want to receive abuse if I come out
I don't want to hurt my boyfriend who is great but I dont love him like that
I don't want to split our friendship group by coming out but i m afraid I will because I found out today that one of my closest friends is homophobic which tore me apart.
I don't know what to do.... I'm not even certain if I am gay but there is no one I can experiment with to find out
Ask Sam


Hi there,

You’ve done really well to start to talk about this and I can tell that you’re feeling really uncertain about what you want to do. Your friendship with your best friend sounds very important to you and I get the feeling that you’re not sure how she’d react if she knew how you feel. It seems as though you’re still trying to work out your own feelings and it’s okay to take your time and choose which words describe your sexuality best. 

You don’t need to say anything to anybody until you feel ready. Sometimes it can help to have a general conversation with people you’re thinking about talking to so that you can find out more about their beliefs and feelings on the subject. You might find it useful to take a look at our page on sexuality and coming out.

I’m concerned to hear that one of your close friends is homophobic and that sounds as though it really hurt you. Nobody has the right to discriminate against somebody because of their sexuality and there are laws to protect people from homophobia. It might help to take a look at the Young Stonewall website. It has information and advice for young people who are affected by issues to do with their sexual orientation.

You said that you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend but I can hear that you don’t feel the same way about him as you feel towards your best friend. I’m not sure whether you want to stay with him, but if you don’t, it’s okay to decide how much you want to say to him about your reasons for ending the relationship.

This sounds like a lot to be going through on your own so it could be a good idea to think about whether there’s anybody you trust and feel able to talk to about this. That way you can have some support at this confusing time. If you’re not sure about telling somebody in your life just yet, remember you’re always welcome to talk to a ChildLine counsellor or you could think about getting support from other young people on the message boards

Thanks for taking the time to write to me about this.

Take care,

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