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Hi there,
Thank you for writing to me about the difficult situation that you find yourself in right now. I can hear that things are tough for you at the moment and you did the right thing to get in touch.
Smoking cannabis can affect the way people feel. It can make them relaxed, more confident in social situations, and talkative. It can also affect the brain and make it difficult to concentrate, affect someone's ability to remember things and leave them feeling anxious and less motivated.
You mention that you do not want to talk to your dad about it but maybe you could think of another trusted adult you could talk to about how you are feeling. If you wanted expert support then you could speak to your GP who could talk with you about the best way they can help. I know this can sometimes be a scary thought but you can find out a bit more about going to a doctor here. An alternative might be to refer yourself to a special treatment service - you could find a local one by looking on the Talk To Frank website.
It sounds like you dont want to talk to your dad about how you feel because it is an activity that you do together that helps you feel connected. Maybe you could consider suggesting other activities to your dad that you could do together, such as joining a local club, listening to some music or playing football together down the park.
It sounds like smoking cannabis may have affected your self-esteem and it gives you a mask to hide behind. It almost seems like you are afraid of people seeing the real you in case they dont like what they see. We have useful information about how to build your self-esteem, or you could look at the information on TheMix.
You did really well to write to me so honestly about what is going on for you and I hope that you get the help and support that you need and deserve. If you need to talk more you can contact a Childline counsellor at any time.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.