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Hello,
Thank you for your letter, Im glad youve got in touch. I can hear its a really exciting time for you, as youre making the move from school to university. It sounds like youre embracing this new chapter and I wondered if this is making you think about making other changes in your life.
Youve told me you realised you were gay when you were fifteen. I can imagine thats been a huge thing for you to keep to yourself. It sounds like the fear of getting a negative response has stopped you from sharing this with any of your friends.
Youve described a strong friendship base that has been built over seven years. I can hear youve got mixed feelings about how your friends would react if you came out as gay, as youve observed some of them having distinctly homophobic views. Its understandable this might make you feel conflicted about what to do. Its great to hear that you know some of your friends would be really supportive. Being gay doesnt change the type of friend youve been for the last seven years and you deserve to be fully accepted for the person you are.
I think you could be being tough on yourself by worrying that your friends will think youve been lying. Hopefully your friends will understand your reasons for not saying anything before now. Some might even have guessed your sexuality already but may not have known how to approach you about it. Also, remember that someone who identifies themselves as heterosexual doesnt generally feel they have to make a choice about when or if to tell their friends, so you deserve to give yourself some recognition for having had to make this decision at all.
When making an important decision it can be good to think through all the options that might be available. You dont have to choose between telling everyone or no-one in your friendship group. One option could be just telling the friends you feel would be supportive. It might help to picture yourself being in university and imagine having made each possible choice in turn. Which choice do you see yourself feeling most comfortable with? From what youve said, theres no rush to decide. You could choose to tell your friends at any time, even after you have started uni. You might want to have a look at Young Stonewalls website, to see some more advice about coming out.
No matter what you decide, ChildLine is here to offer you support. Youve mentioned you are 18 and we do support young people up to the age of 19. Theres a page in Explore about turning 19 that lets you know about other forms of support that might be useful.
Good luck.
Take care,
Sam.
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.