Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I hate myself, I'm ugly, I suck at school and I'm unpopular. I have a really rouned shaped face, my eyes are tiny, I wear glasses, I'm greesey, the list goes on. I've always been pathetic at school but now it feels like I can't do anything and everyone hates me.

Ask Sam


I’m glad that you chose to contact me to share how you feel about yourself. It sounds like you’ve been feeling really low about yourself at school for a while, but now it has started to affect other areas of your life. That sounds like a difficult way to feel, so it’s great that you’ve decided to ask for some help.

Having some critical thoughts about yourself from time to time is pretty normal. No-one likes everything about themselves all of the time, especially during puberty when there are lots of physical and emotional changes happening. However, when things get to the point where someone feels constantly negative and can’t see anything positive about themselves it can be a sign that they have low self-esteem.

Our self-esteem is shaped by the thoughts and feelings that we have about ourselves. Someone with a healthy self-esteem can accept that they have strengths and weaknesses but are generally positive about who they are as a person. When we are constantly hard on ourselves it can start to affect our mood and confidence. This can lead to avoiding new challenges or even avoiding things that we usually enjoy doing, which gives us less chances to feel good, and eventually we can start to feel worse and worse.

The first step to feeling differently about yourself is to start to find ways to be kinder to yourself. Our page on building self-esteem is a good starting point. Great Ormond Street Hospital also have some good general advice on how to look after your feelings by keeping your brain healthy

In your letter you also said you’re unpopular and everyone hates you. You haven’t said what is happening to make you feel that way, but I can hear that you feel really on your own at school at the moment. Sometimes when we feel bad about ourselves, we automatically think that other people don’t want to be around us, and that in turn makes it harder for people to try and spend time with us. I hope that when you start to have different opinions about yourself, your view that everyone hates you might change. However I think it is also important that you know it is not OK for people to say unkind things to you or behave in a way that makes you feel hated. No-one deserves to be treated like that. If that is what is happening at the moment, then I would really suggest you try talking to a trusted adult about it, because that needs to change. You could also try looking at the page about Bullying on the website.

If you would like to talk through your feelings in detail you can ring 0800 1111, login for a 1-2-1 chat, or send an e-mail.

Take good care


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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