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Hi J*,
Thank you for your letter. It sounds like youve really started to think about what you want your own personal style to be; at the same time I can see how much it worries and uncertain you are about what people will think of you.
Its important to remember that however you want to see yourself, whether its punk, emo, goth, scene or anything else, you have the right to feel that way without being judged by other people. Its never okay for people to try to upset you like your cousin did. Its really important that you know that if someone is being nasty to you about how you dress, thats bullying.
When you do dress a certain way, sometimes people dont understand it and think that it means something negative about you. Its brilliant that you see the way you dress as something positive, a way of expressing yourself. Sometimes when people have heard things about a group, like you said people say about Goths, it can be that they dont realise that its not always true.
When you talk about your friends and about what they wear, it made me wonder if youd ever spoken to them about how youre worried about what they would think. It can help to think about what you would like a friend to be, and if someone does react like that whether it is someone that youd want to be friends with. Sometimes it can help as well to think about it the other way around, do you judge your friends for wearing pink things and being afraid of spiders when youre not?
Sometimes talking to your friends can give you a chance to be open about how you do see your style. That way if theyre worried at all about what being scene means you have a chance to be able to set them right and help them be able to understand.
It sounds like all of the different parts of scene interest you, from the piercings to the hair colour to the clothes. Its important to remember that it can take time for your style to build, and that its okay to let it take that time. The how you look page on Explore has more information.
I can see how worried you are about what will happen to you in the future, it might be good for you to think a little after youve read this and to think about contacting a ChildLine counsellor. ChildLine are there to support you in a completely non-judgemental way about anything that might be worrying you. You can talk to them by email, on the 1-2-1 chats (which work like MSN) and even by calling on 0800 1111 (its completely free and wont show up on the phone bill).
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.