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To Sam

My 'Scene' Style

Hi Sam, nice to meet you. Im almost 12, and have a big problem...  Have you heard of 'goth', 'emo' and 'punk'? Well, i really want to become a sort of mix of all of them, this is known as 'Scene'. Anyway, im really worried, because that would involve me getting a number of piercings, and dying my hair unusual colours, and i have no idea what people will think of me. i can't hep it, its who i am. ever since i was little, i was always different in ways like this. at discos, all my friends would wear pink things and stuff, id wear a black shirt and choker necklace. i would always play with bys, and i wasnt scared of spiders and snakes (i love them both). im pretty sure none of my friends would grow up similar to me like this... they dont understand. even my ex-bff cousin seriously hurt me, when she asked me 'why the hell i wanted to be emotionally challenged; when i told her i wanted to be kinda emo. emo can stand for emotionally challenged or just simply emotional. its a way of expressing yourself. there are alot of nasty things being said about emos and goths, like they're horribl, scary people that are obsessed with black and have no feelings because they are too depressed with the world... will they think that of me? please hlp, tanks, from J* 
Ask Sam


Hi J*,

Thank you for your letter. It sounds like you’ve really started to think about what you want your own personal style to be; at the same time I can see how much it worries and uncertain you are about what people will think of you.

It’s important to remember that however you want to see yourself, whether it’s punk, emo, goth, scene or anything else, you have the right to feel that way without being judged by other people. It’s never okay for people to try to upset you like your cousin did. It’s really important that you know that if someone is being nasty to you about how you dress, that’s bullying.

When you do dress a certain way, sometimes people don’t understand it and think that it means something negative about you. It’s brilliant that you see the way you dress as something positive, a way of expressing yourself. Sometimes when people have heard things about a group, like you said people say about Goths, it can be that they don’t realise that it’s not always true.

When you talk about your friends and about what they wear, it made me wonder if you’d ever spoken to them about how you’re worried about what they would think. It can help to think about what you would like a friend to be, and if someone does react like that whether it is someone that you’d want to be friends with. Sometimes it can help as well to think about it the other way around, do you judge your friends for wearing pink things and being afraid of spiders when you’re not?

Sometimes talking to your friends can give you a chance to be open about how you do see your style. That way if they’re worried at all about what being scene means you have a chance to be able to set them right and help them be able to understand.

It sounds like all of the different parts of scene interest you, from the piercings to the hair colour to the clothes. It’s important to remember that it can take time for your style to build, and that it’s okay to let it take that time. The how you look page on Explore has more information.

I can see how worried you are about what will happen to you in the future, it might be good for you to think a little after you’ve read this and to think about contacting a ChildLine counsellor. ChildLine are there to support you in a completely non-judgemental way about anything that might be worrying you. You can talk to them by email, on the 1-2-1 chats (which work like MSN) and even by calling on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill).

Take care,


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