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my friend is being peer pressured, im scared for her...

hi sam,

my friend is 15 and recently got a bf who is 19, he is nice to her, until recently i've found out he has given her drugs and pressuring her to do weed, she knows it's wrong but because of her home life, she doesn't want to lose him, if she says no.
i say im here for her, but it's become out of hand, she is missing school to spend time with her bf, i scared for her incase she starts doing harder drugs.

how do i help my friend??

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Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

It sounds like you’re really concerned about your friend. It must be comforting for her to know that you’re there for her but it’s also a big responsibility for you. You shouldn’t have to cope with this alone. From what you’ve said, I sense that things aren’t good for your friend at home and this might mean that she’s more vulnerable to peer pressure at the moment. It can take a lot of strength to say “no“ to someone, and it sounds like it’s especially difficult for your friend because she’s worried about losing her boyfriend.

It might be helpful for your friend to have a think about her relationship with her boyfriend and whether or not he’s the type of person that she wants to be with. I can hear that she realises it’s not OK for him to pressure her into things but she’s also started missing school to spend time with him. I’m concerned that it might be easier for him to control her because he’s a few years older than her.

Respect not fear is a website that explains the difference between healthy and abusive relationships. Perhaps you could suggest that she has a look at it with you? It’s worth remembering though, that it can be very hard for people to admit that they are in an unhealthy relationship, and your friend might not be willing to let you help her at the moment.

It sounds like you’re a very good friend but it might be a good idea to think of an adult that you trust and have a chat to them about this. Perhaps you could think of a teacher in school that you could speak to. Sometimes talking things over can really help us to see things more clearly. 

You are very welcome to log in for a 1-2-1 chat about this or you can call ChildLine 0800 1111 anytime. Perhaps you could encourage your friend to contact a ChildLine counsellor as well. It can be upsetting and stressful trying to support a friend through tough times, and it’s important you look after your own feelings as well as hers.

I hope this helps.

Take care,

Sam

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