Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Often when people are going through puberty they become more aware of their body. It's normal to have sexual thoughts and feelings. Sexual thoughts are nothing to be ashamed of. When people experience more sexual feelings, they often want to explore and discover more. That can lead them to masturbation and watching pornography.

You are right. Age 12 is younger than the age you have to be to watch pornography. Porn is meant for adults. The age to watch it is set to 18 so that people have the maturity to make informed decisions about what they watch. It’s important to remember that porn is not realistic and ordinary sexual relationships are not like that. Watching pornography can negatively change the way someone views sex, and feels about themselves.

Masturbation is a natural way to get to know your body and to discover what you do and don’t enjoy. Often people worry and compare themselves to what they think others are doing, but there is no such thing as normal. Everyone has different experiences. It's important to do what feels right for you. What feels right may also change over time, and that’s okay too.

You are unlikely to harm yourself masturbating. However it's possible you could get sore if you masturbate too roughly, do it very often or do it with an object. It’s important to stay safe with whatever you are doing.

Masturbation is normal. However, if you decide you feel it's stopping you doing other things with your time, slowly reduce the amount of time you masturbate and watch porn each week until you feel more comfortable with the amount of time you are doing it. You could also create a list of things to do when you get the urge to masturbate. For example, if you are alone you could move to be around others.

I hope this helps. Take care,
Sam