Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I'm so confused

Hey Sam,

I'm a 16 year old female and I can't help but notice that I am attracted to both males and females. I have always identified myself as straight, because I have never had any intimate/romantic experiences with somebody of the same sex as me, but I fantasize about it a lot. I find girls much nicer to look at and I spend more time looking as girls rather than men. Females are also more successful at making me feel aroused. Certain males make this happen too, however I feel the same way about women. I am confused. I am not ashamed. I think I am a bisexual, but my father and my grandfather will not accept it. They have made their opinions on homosexuality crystal clear, and I feel hesitant to feeling this way, but I can't help it. I would find it difficult at school too because homophobia is still a big issue and I would be constantly worried of people making spiteful remarks, as it would make my anxiety and depression get worse. Please offer any advice that you have about my situation because I am totally confused as to whether I should tell someone or keep it quiet.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Coming out means telling people about your sexuality. Coming out can be hard for lots of people. But telling someone who has low opinions of your sexuality is extra hard. You might need to choose your timing carefully and decide what’s best for you.

It’s wrong for someone to tell you that you shouldn’t be the way you are. And if can be really hurtful if it's your friends and family saying this. These are the people who are supposed to support you.

If you feel like your father and grandfather aren’t going to take this news in the way you’d hope, then it could be important to tell other people first so they can back you up. This could be people in your family who you feel will accept this without a problem. Or it could be someone like a friend who is close to the family.

You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to keep this to yourself. Your sexuality is a part of who you are. To help you decide, you could think about whether it’s going to more difficult for you to keep it to yourself, or to cope with any possible consequences. Be realistic and to really think about what you want. But remember it's up to you when you come out.

You can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor about how you're feeling. You can also take a look at Young Stonewall for advice about coming out.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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