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To Sam

I'm so confused

Hello Sam, 
i am so confused I don't know what my sexuality is, I've only ever done stuff with a boy or been out with a boys but I watch lesbian porn and finger myself over it. But after I've done what I need to do I beat myself up about it & say like wtf are you doing, I don't know if I'm bisexual or not. Please help me
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Lots of people can take some time to figure out their sexuality. It can also take time to be comfortable with whatever your sexuality may be. So you're certainly not  alone.

Some people can feel very sure from a young age about their sexuality. But for others it takes longer to work that out. Some people may always be attracted to just one gender and others might feel like it changes. Or you could be attracted to both. But whichever way, it’s all normal.

Feeling aroused by seeing sexualised images of a person of the same gender doesn’t necessarily mean that in real life you would feel attracted to them. It’s perhaps also important to remember that what’s shown in porn can be very different to real life relationships and sex.

It can be confusing when you’re unsure about your sexuality but sometimes talking it through with someone can help you to understand yourself better and the thoughts and feelings you’re having. Perhaps have a think about whether there is anyone in your life who you feel comfortable talking to about this and remember you can always call a ChildLine counsellor.

Some people find it helpful to hear about other people’s thoughts and experiences, so you may like to take a look at the posts on the ChildLine message boards about sexuality.

We have lots more information about sexual identity, and there is also information on Young Stonewall.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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