Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

When someone has low self-esteem, no matter what other people say it can be hard to accept those compliments. If one person in a relationship has low self-esteem then it might affect the relationship and make their feelings worse.

You seem to feel like you don’t deserve your boyfriend or that you’re lucky to have him. Thinking this way about your relationship really puts yourself down and it can affect your own self-esteem. Worrying about how we look is common, but remember that your boyfriend has already chosen to be with you so he obviously sees something in you that he likes.

It seems like you could do with learning to love yourself, which is a big challenge when you have low self-esteem. Loving yourself first means that no matter what happens in the future, you feel stronger knowing who you are and what makes you awesome.

We are all harder on ourselves than other people probably will be. Most people feel uncomfortable seeing themselves in pictures, on video, or hearing their voice recorded, but to everyone else we seem normal. Getting used to ourselves and how we look is a big part of gaining self-confidence.

The things people find beautiful vary a lot. No matter how good looking someone is, there will always be people who are not attracted to them. It doesn’t say anything about you if a person turns you down or doesn’t fancy you. If someone doesn’t find you attractive then it’s only saying something about their own tastes. For every person who doesn’t find someone beautiful there’ll be plenty more who do.

It can take a while before we feel comfortable and confident in who we are, and until that time it can be really hard. Try doing something to remind yourself of how much people around you care. Maybe you could put pictures of you and your boyfriend on your mirror so when you look into it you’re reminded that he thinks you’re beautiful and so should you.

I hope that helps, do come and talk to a counsellor if you would like to talk more.

Take care,
Sam