Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I think I'm Transgender

Hey Sam,

I have a bit of a problem. I think I'm Transgender and have done for over three months now. I have posted on the Message Boards already, but I just thought I needed a possibly more understanding opinion. How do I come out to my parents?
I've had writing a letter suggested a few times, but I can never find the right moment to give them a letter. I could tell them verbally, but what would I say? I try to rehearse it in my head, but it just sounds odd/unbelievable.

Please help ... I just feel so umcomfortable with myself, and feel that telling my parents would open up some opportunities for me in terms of becoming happy with being female/possibly transitioning in the future?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Making sense of the thoughts and feelings around your gender identity and sexuality can be really difficult. Coming out and telling other people has to be at the right time for you and it may be that you need to be more comfortable yourself first.

You’ve done really well in writing me this letter. I can understand that sometimes it can be really hard to find the right words to express something very important and sensitive to you. Coming out to family or friends can be a really big step and you’ve done really well in thinking about what might be the best way to do this.

Feeling uncomfortable about saying something so personal and so important is natural. There’s probably always going to be some of that feeling when you tell someone for the first time.

You need to decide how comfortable you need to be to have the confidence to share this with others. It’s okay to take your time and feel ready. The more ready you are, the more confident you’ll be.

You’ve done really well in taking your time, thinking it through and preparing how you would most like to put your thoughts and feelings into words. A letter can be a good way of getting the wording right and making sure you have covered all you wanted to say.

I get the sense that while you find it hard you also feel that this is important and, like you said, it may open up some opportunities and make you happy. It can help thinking not only of what worries you about coming out but also of all the good things you hope to gain from telling someone. What do you hope may come from this? This could also be a way of letting them know how you would them to best support you.

In feeling ready to have that conversation, you might like to think about asking for help by rehearsing that conversation with someone you feel close to. You can also always talk to a counsellor about what that might be like and getting some support in finding the words. There's also support on the NHS website. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone.

Take care and all the best,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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