Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I have long hair.

hey sam. I've had problems in school and at home (very very rarely) about my long hair. ever since I was a child I wanted to have long hair as it's what all the awesome people in video games and rock bands have. but as I got older it grew out and people now think its fun to use that against me. I don't know what to do with the verbal attacks but to make smart replies back to then. which ends up in me getting in allot of "things" in school. I'm only small so my first thing to do is to use my aggressive voice and hurtful words against them but leads to more "things" happening. what can I do. my family and friend want me to fight. but I'm not a violent person. I control my adrenaline through crying and laughter. what can I do??
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Nobody has the right to make fun of someone for any reason. Everyone has a right to choose their own sense of style and how they wear their hair. It seems like you have a strong sense of what you like which is a good thing.

Fighting back verbally by making comments can sometimes make the bullying worse. It can make the person doing the bullying to keep up their verbal attacks in the hope of getting a reaction from you.

Using an aggressive voice or hurtful words back could mean the bullying turns into more of a two way attack where both people are pushing back against each other. This could also get you in trouble.

One way to try and tackle the bullying is to use a tactic called ‘fogging’. Fogging is when someone deals with negative comments by just agreeing in a really calm voice rather than getting upset or angry towards the person. Our being assertive page gives some examples of how to use fogging in the ‘what techniques can I use to be more assertive’ section.

You have the right to feel safe and happy at school. The teachers in your school have a duty to look after you. You may want to consider talking to one of your teachers about the bullying that happens. Your school should have an anti-bullying policy which gives details of what the school should do to tackle the bullying. 

Don’t forget you can always talk to one of our counsellors. Dealing with bullying can be very difficult and we can support you at anytime no matter what you're feeling.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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