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To Sam

I hate myself

I hate the way I look. I'm fat and ugly. My hair is blonde/brown, and is always a rat's nest, no matter what I do. I have moles covering my face, and nothing will conceal them. My eyes are a disgusting grey, my eyelashes are short, and my face makes me look like a frog. I also wear glasses. My stomach is fat, and I've tried everything to lose weight. I constantly exercise and hardly ever eat sweets/junk food. I used to be bulimic, but I eventually realised that being bulimic wasn't helping at all. Everyone at school is prettier, skinnier, and more popular. I'm also a massive nerd, and emo. Everyone inmy year bullies me, makes fun of me, teases me. I have no friends, and I never have. I don't know what to do. Please help me, Sam. From K*
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Sam

Hi there,

It seems like you've been noticing the things you don’t like about yourself for a long time, and started to focus on these rather than the positives. This is easy to do, particularly if people make fun and tease you. The truth is, everyone has positives and negatives. But it can be easier to focus on the negatives sometimes.

When someone has low self esteem they may begin to feel really low and isolate themselves from others. It can become easy to believe they can never make new friends. It’s important to challenge these thoughts to get to a point where you're able to recognise the positives as well as the negatives. When people can think good things about themselves, they’re usually able to feel more confident. And feel happier about who they are.

It seems like you have been really negative about your personality and how you look. It can be helpful to think about where these views came from. Perhaps people have said negative things to you. After being called names for a long time, it can be easy just to accept what others say. But it doesn’t make what they say true.

Create a list of things that you like about yourself. This can be about what you look like, your personality traits or skills you have. You might find it hard to start with - but you could slowly add to the list when you think of things.

It’s also helpful to listen out for compliments and kind words other people say to you. When someone feels low it can be easy to ignore compliments. By writing compliments down, you’re more likely to remember them. And this can help you believe them. Keep your list somewhere where you can look at it often. Having a look at a list like this when you feel low can help you feel better.

Bullying can happen to anyone, no matter what they look like. But no matter what the reason is, no one has the right to call you names or make you feel low about yourself. Schools must support people who are being bullied. So talking to a teacher or adult you trust can help get the bullying stopped.  This can help you feel more confident going to school.

As there’s a lot happening for you, you may find it helpful to talk to a ChildLine counsellor about how you are feeling. It may also help to take a look at the self-esteem message boards, where you will see that lots of people feel low about themselves. There’s also a lot of support so you can just take a look around the message boards or create an account and post if you feel able. This is not something you have to go through alone.

Take care
Sam

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