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Hi there,
Thank you for contacting me to talk about how youre feeling. Youve done the right thing to get in touch.
It sounds like right now is a very confusing time for you. I can hear that youre having a tough time because it feels like your own values and identity dont fit with those of your familys cultural background. You dont say how old you are but its not unusual to feel different from your family as a young person, as you begin to develop an independent sense of who you are and your place in the world. This can be particularly difficult if your parents grew up in a different country or culture to you.
You mention stereotypes as a reason for wanting to reject your cultural background. Its important to remember that stereotypes are based on prejudice not fact. Unfortunately sometimes people do have badly informed opinions or can be racist. Not everyone you meet will judge you on your race or religion.
Sometimes when people continually hear negative viewpoints about their identity, they can start to believe these opinions are true. It might help to try and work out whether any of your negative feelings towards your Pakistani background come from your own personal beliefs, or whether these feelings are a result of being exposed to other peoples prejudice. Remember that even if there are parts of Pakistani culture that you choose not to keep in your life, there might other parts that you would like to hold on to. You dont have to choose all or nothing and its ok to continue to develop your identity as you change throughout your lifetime.
It may be that other people in your life have experienced similar feelings when they were growing up. Do you have friends, religious leaders, teachers, youth leaders etc who might be able to share their own experience of feeling split between Pakistani and British culture?
It sounds like you may also benefit from building your confidence and there are some great suggestions for this in the Explore pages. The message boards at ChildLine are a great way of getting some peer support and you may consider posting a message about your feelings and asking others for their advice.
You have done really well writing to me about how you feel but if you want to explore your feelings further, ChildLine counsellors are available to talk by calling 0800 1111 or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.