Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I don't want to be gay.

Recently I have been having some feelings towards girls and boys. I haven't told anyone because I don't want to be gay/bi.

im just trying to fit in I don't want to stick out. There was a girl in my year who came out and now she's bullied for it and I don't want that to happen to me. i also don't want to be gay because I like a guy (I'm a girl!) I'm only 13 and don't want to have to make a desicion right now although it would be useful.



Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for taking the time to write to me about what’s going on for you. I can hear that you’re confused about the way you’re feeling and I’m really pleased that you got in touch for some support.

It’s okay to have feelings for boys, girls or both. I can hear that you want to make a decision about your sexuality, but it’s also alright not to be sure. You don’t have to pick a label to describe who you’re attracted to right now and it’s up to you if you ever do. 

We’re all equal regardless of who we find attractive. It’s wrong that the girl you talk about was bullied when she came out. It sounds like her experience has made you nervous about sharing your feelings with anyone else, but it can be helpful to talk them through with someone that you trust. I’m wondering if you have any friends or family members who you think you could speak to.

It can help to hear about other people’s experiences and find out what helped them in similar situations. A good place to do this is on the ChildLine message boards, where young people post and offer each other support. You might want to take a look at the Sexuality message board and perhaps read our page about Sexual orientation.

Being gay doesn’t mean that you are particularly different – lots of people are gay or bisexual. They are more common than you probably think. You could take a look at the It Gets Better project to hear from people who have come out.

If you would like to talk things through and get some more support you could talk to a ChildLine Counsellor. You can call for free on 0800 1111 or log in for a 1-2-1 chat. ChildLine counsellors won’t share what you say with anyone unless you want them to, or someone’s life is in danger. You can read more about ChildLine’s confidentiality promise here.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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