Ask Sam letter


To Sam

How do I tell family

Hi Sam
i am 11 (12 in September ) I have told my best friend I like as in lesbian way and she accepts that I really like her and I don't know how to tell my mum. Sam please help or give some advice . Should I even tell my mum I'm lesbian or I think 99.9 I am a lesbian ?
thank you
Ask Sam


Hi there

I’m really glad that you wrote to me about talking to your mum about your sexuality.
It’s good to hear that you want to be open with your mum about this. Sometimes feeling that you have to keep something hidden about yourself can be really hard, like carrying a heavy weight around with you all the time.

The most important thing is for you to only share things about yourself because you want to and because you feel ready to do so. Coming out can send a really positive message that you know that being gay is okay. When you are thinking of what to say to your mum, it can be helpful to think about what you want her to understand.

It's important to remember that we can’t always know how people will react and sometimes it might be more negative than we’d hope. That can be really unhelpful and upsetting so it’s important that you feel ready to hear less helpful responses before you tell her. Don’t be in a rush to label yourself – you have just started to explore your sexuality. There is plenty of time to talk to her about your feelings if you don’t feel ready at the moment.

Having a positive first experience of coming out may give you the confidence to tell other people when you feel ready. There’s some helpful information about coming out on our Sexuality page.

You could talk about this more with a ChildLine counsellor by calling free on 0800 1111, or by having a 1-2-1 chat online. You might also want to have a look at the sexuality thread on the ChildLine message boards where other young people talk about their experiences.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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