Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Everyone is perfect except me

Hey,i'm 14 and i love my friends more than anything, they're all perfect!and thats sometimes what gets me down.. They're all naturally slim,have perfect figures and have amazing hair,skin and everything! Most of them have had sex,and to be honest, most of the girls my age have in my school except from me. I just feel so ugly and insignificant to all of them. I feel pressured to do sexual things but im scared that noone will want to do them with me, or is it me just aware that its young to be sexually active? i feel fat and ugly compared to eveyone else and theres nothing i can do.
It cant just be me who feels like this?
Ask Sam


Hi there

It’s really good to hear from you.

I can see from your letter that you love your friends more than anything but when you compare yourself with them you feel ugly and insignificant. That sounds like a really tough way to feel

It seems like you admire your friends a lot and think that they are all naturally slim and have amazing hair and skin. This may be right but I’m guessing that there is also a lot of time and effort going into the way they look.

It may help your self-confidence to ask a friend that you trust what they think your good points are and to focus on what is good about you. You may also find out more about how your friends really feel about their looks and they may not be as confident as you think they are. You might find it helpful to read more about body image and building confidence and self esteem in Explore.

You said in your letter that most of your friends and the girls in your school have had sex and that you feel pressured to do sexual things. In the UK, the average age for having sex for the first time is 16, so it’s pretty likely that some people are exaggerating when they tell you they’ve had sex! There’s often a lot of hype and rumours about sex, and a lot of pressure to be doing the same as everyone else. The important thing is to make your own decisions instead of listening to the hype. Not having had sex yet is nothing to do with how attractive or popular you are. It just means that you’ve made an intelligent decision to wait until you’re ready, and you’ve met the right person. There is certainly nothing wrong in doing this and no one has the right to push you into doing anything before you are ready. You can only have sex for the first time once! The NHS have got some great, down-to-earth advice about making decisions about sex, that you might want to look at.

I’m really glad that you’ve taken the time to write and I’d like to reassure you that I hear from many other young people who have similar concerns. If you want to talk things through in confidence, you could try speaking to a ChildLine counsellor for free on 0800 1111 or logging for a 1-2-1 chat. There’s also message boards where you can post questions for other young people in similar situations and ask them for advice.

Hope that this has helped.

Take care,


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