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To Sam

Drug Peer Pressure!

Right. At college I met this boy. He smokes weed quite a bit, we were talking about it and stuff. He seems to think I do weed, and i have never done it in my life! We are meeting up today to "get high" But I know I have an excuse.. (family dinner) .
I dont want him to however ditch me because of it. He seems really nice and is nice to girls and a real gentleman.
It doesnt help my parents are starting to argue with me again too!
Oh and to make it more complicated, there was a boy I was talking too ( a year or so younger) and he thought we would get together and he is really nice, I dunno, because the other boy is older than me and he , I DUNNO ARGH! :(
Sincerly.
Confused
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Sam

Hi Confused

Thanks for taking the time to write to me. It sounds like you’re feeling quite mixed up about what to do at the moment.

I can hear that there are a few different things on your mind, but it feels like your main concern is your relationship with the older guy you’re seeing at college. It sounds like you’re enjoying being with him and you think he’s a good person. It also sounds you’re not sure how you feel about him smoking weed.

You talked about using family dinner as “an excuse” to get out of meeting him to get high today, which makes me think that you don’t want to start smoking weed yourself. It takes a lot of strength to make your own decisions about things like smoking and drinking, instead of being influenced by your friends. I think you’ve done really well to come this far without trying cannabis.

You said you’re scared that your boyfriend will ditch you if you don’t agree to smoke weed with him. You also said how nice he is. My feeling is that, if he’s genuinely a nice person, he won’t put you under pressure to do something you’re not comfortable with. In a healthy relationship, people should respect the other person’s right to make their own decisions. Smoking cannabis will always involve some risks, so staying away from it is a good choice to make. It’s not fair for anyone else to try and force you to choose differently. There’s some useful information in Explore about drugs and you might want read more about cannabis on the Talk to Frank website.

It sounds like your boyfriend got the wrong idea about whether you usually smoke weed and now you’re not sure how to change that. The start of a relationship is all about getting to know each other, and it’s natural to be worried about how your partner will react to certain things. If a relationship is going to get stronger and deeper, it’s important to be able to accept the other person’s differences as well as the things you’ve got in common. How would it feel explaining to your boyfriend that you’re enjoying spending time with him, but that you don’t want smoking weed to be part of that? You might find it useful to read a bit more about relationships in the Explore section.

Talking things through with someone who’s not involved in the situation can be really helpful when you are struggling with a decision. If you wanted to talk to a ChildLine counsellor in confidence, you could give them a call on 0800 1111, send an email or log in for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,

Sam.

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