Right. At college I met this boy. He smokes weed quite a bit, we were talking about it and stuff. He seems to think I do weed, and i have never done it in my life! We are meeting up today to "get high" But I know I have an excuse.. (family dinner) . I dont want him to however ditch me because of it. He seems really nice and is nice to girls and a real gentleman. It doesnt help my parents are starting to argue with me again too! Oh and to make it more complicated, there was a boy I was talking too ( a year or so younger) and he thought we would get together and he is really nice, I dunno, because the other boy is older than me and he , I DUNNO ARGH! :( Sincerly. Confused
Sam
Hi Confused
Thanks for taking the time to write to me. It sounds like youre feeling quite mixed up about what to do at the moment.
I can hear that there are a few different things on your mind, but it feels like your main concern is your relationship with the older guy youre seeing at college. It sounds like youre enjoying being with him and you think hes a good person. It also sounds youre not sure how you feel about him smoking weed.
You talked about using family dinner as an excuse to get out of meeting him to get high today, which makes me think that you dont want to start smoking weed yourself. It takes a lot of strength to make your own decisions about things like smoking and drinking, instead of being influenced by your friends. I think youve done really well to come this far without trying cannabis.
You said youre scared that your boyfriend will ditch you if you dont agree to smoke weed with him. You also said how nice he is. My feeling is that, if hes genuinely a nice person, he wont put you under pressure to do something youre not comfortable with. In a healthy relationship, people should respect the other persons right to make their own decisions. Smoking cannabis will always involve some risks, so staying away from it is a good choice to make. Its not fair for anyone else to try and force you to choose differently. Theres some useful information in Explore about drugs and you might want read more about cannabis on the Talk to Frank website.
It sounds like your boyfriend got the wrong idea about whether you usually smoke weed and now youre not sure how to change that. The start of a relationship is all about getting to know each other, and its natural to be worried about how your partner will react to certain things. If a relationship is going to get stronger and deeper, its important to be able to accept the other persons differences as well as the things youve got in common. How would it feel explaining to your boyfriend that youre enjoying spending time with him, but that you dont want smoking weed to be part of that? You might find it useful to read a bit more about relationships in the Explore section.
Talking things through with someone whos not involved in the situation can be really helpful when you are struggling with a decision. If you wanted to talk to a ChildLine counsellor in confidence, you could give them a call on 0800 1111, send an email or log in for a 1-2-1 chat.
Take care,
Sam.
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