Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Coming out

I don't know what to do. I am a 13 year old boy and I am gay. I have known for ages now and I have told some of my freinds and have talked to them about it. I think that I am ready to come out to my parents but I'm really worried what they might say or think. I don't know what to do. I have tried numerous times to sag it and I physically can't say it. I don't know why because I am not ashamed of it, I am worried that my parents will be ashamed or angry or something. I have thought about how the conversation might go and it is bad. I have read other people's stories where they have been kicked out of their houses and disowned!!! I have two gay freinds and they have come out to there parents. Ones parents were cool about it and ones parents just ignore him whenever he brings it up. I don't want this to happen to me. I live my family and never want them to hate me. What shall I do??? P.s I am also really worried about being bullied if people ever found out. Pleas e give me suggestions if you have any. Thanks J*****
Ask Sam


Hey there,

Coming out is a very personal experience and there is no right or wrong way to do it. What’s important is to find the way that feels best for you. You have the right to be open about who you are and to be accepted for that.

Unfortunately there can be a risk of some people not being supportive when coming out. Some people will be happy for you but some may be shocked or not sure how to react. We have a page about sexuality that talks about coming out which you might want to read.

One idea would be to think about doing it in stages, so that you can feel more in control. You could perhaps have a conversation with your parents about their thoughts on different people who are gay.

You could maybe have a discussion about your friends who are gay and how their parents reacted. This might help you work out how your parents might react if you were to come out to them.

If you still feel unable to physically say the words after that, you could write a letter to your mum or dad and leave it for them to read. You can look at our message boards where other people share their experiences about sexuality. You might also like to take a look at R U Coming Out. This is a great site where you can read lots of other young people’s stories about their experiences of coming out.

You mentioned that you are worried about being bullied if other people find out about your sexuality. Your school has a duty to support you with any form of bullying you are experiencing. For them to support you they would need to know about it – so keeping any bullying to yourself will make it harder for your school to help you.

Not everyone is bullied for being gay, but you can hear people’s stories about how they overcame problems coming out through the It Gets Better project.

Sexuality is often seen as a big part of someone’s identity, but what’s important to remember is that it doesn't have to define you. There are still many parts that make you who you are.

You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor about this or about anything else. They are there to support you.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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