Ask Sam letter


To Sam

coming out

I am 13 year old boy and gay I have a boyfriend who I love a lot I feel like its time I came out to people do u have any advice
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your letter. It sounds like you’ve been thinking a lot about the best time to come out to the people in your life. Coming out can bring up lots of different emotions but you’ve done exactly the right thing by asking for advice.

There’s no set way to come out. The most important part is that it feels safe and comfortable for you. Some young people can feel like they want to be as open as possible whilst others can feel like it’s something that’s private to them – or it can feel anywhere in between. It sounds like you’ve reached a point where you feel comfortable and confident about yourself. It’s always okay to want time to accept yourself before you feel ready to come out. I’m glad that you have been able to reach that stage.

When you’re thinking about the best way to come out, you may want to start with who you want to come out to. Coming out is something that LGB (lesbian, gay and bisexual) people may have to do quite a few different times to different people throughout their lives. It can be a good idea to think about who feels safest and most comfortable coming out to first.

When thinking about how you would most want to tell someone about your sexuality, it can sometimes help to write it as a letter. You could also think about practising with your boyfriend or in front of the mirror to help you feel more confident.

It’s important to make sure that you think about the best time to do it as well. It might be a really good idea to look through our Sexuality message boards for ideas. Loads of young people talk about their experiences of coming out and it’s a place where you can get advice from people going through the same things as you.

You might also find it really useful to look through our page on sexuality, which has loads of good advice and information on coming out. As well as this, an organisation called PACE has a brilliant fact sheet on coming out which would be good to read through for more information.

No matter what happens or what you decide, the most important thing is that you feel supported. You can also speak to one of our counsellors about how you are feeling. ChildLine counsellors are there to listen to and support you. They can give you a space to talk about your feelings and help you think about what you decide is best.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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