Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Coming out

over the past few weeks I have been thinking about coming out. I have been in past relationships with boys but non of them have really worked. I have a lot of gay girl friends and they are helping me make my dession but I am still really confused. Anything I. Old do ??
Ask Sam



Thanks for your letter. I can hear you’re feeling confused.

It's understandable to feel confused as defining your sexuality can be a big step for many people. Some people feel they know their sexuality from a very young age, others don’t feel so sure – and that’s alright. 

Deciding to come out is an important step in someone’s life – the period before can feel stressful, like you are hiding a part of you. Some people worry that they won’t be accepted so it's understandable to feel unsure and possibly nervous about telling someone.

From your letter it sounds like you are feeling some pressure to make a decision soon and tell people. It’s worth remembering that though some people define their sexuality and choose to tell people, others prefer to keep it private. Either option is fine – what’s important is that you do what feels right for you.

If you do decide to come out, you only have to tell whoever you want to know. You don’t have to tell everyone. It’s important that you feel ready to be able to deal with the many different reactions people might have. You could start by telling people who you know have positive feelings about LGBT people - that could be your family, friends, or someone at school.

If your friends have come out, they might have told you about their experience, but it might also help you to read about other young people’s experiences on the ChildLine message boards.

Sexuality is often seen as a big part of someone’s identity, but it doesn't have to define you. There are still many parts that make you who you are. 

If you haven’t already, it might help you to look at our page on Sexual orientation for more information on coming out and organisations that can give you more advice and support.

I hope this has been helpful, but do remember the counsellors at ChildLine will be happy to talk with you in detail about your situation and feelings.

You can contact ChildLine at any time.

Take care,


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