Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Can you help me?

Hello sam,
I think I might be bi, I am almost certain. But if I am bi I'm worried what my best friend will hate me. You see she isn't fond of the idea of someone loving the same sex and she is the only friend I've got...
I just don't know what to do anymore... I'm not ashamed of who I am and I've learned to accept myself but if who I am is going to stop me from having friends.. A friend then I don't want to be who I am.
You probably won't respond to this. But if you even get to read it, I would be most greatful. Thank you...
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your letter - I can really hear how worried you are about being yourself and it’s really a shame that your friend is making you feel this way. Everyone has the right to be who they really are and there is absolutely nothing wrong with liking boys, girls, or both.

I can understand wanting to be liked by your friends – we all want to fit in – but it sounds like your friend’s opinion might be quite limiting for her. Having strong feelings about other people’s sexuality or lifestyle can mean that they risk people not wanting to be their friend after a while.

Being something other than who we really are can make us feel especially unhappy and it can be hard to keep doing this for a long time and make us feel anxious or unhappy. You may need to think about whether you would you be unhappier losing her as a friend or carrying on pretending you are not bisexual.

If you are going to be true to yourself, your friend is going to know that you are bisexual eventually. It could be important to tell her that she has been friends with you and liked you whilst you have been bisexual all along. The things that make her want to be your friend now are still going to be there once she knows you’re bisexual. Nothing about you has changed – she’s just discovering something that was always there.

You have a choice to make – either be yourself and be honest with your friend or carry on keeping this from her. You might risk losing her friendship by telling her but if she doesn’t want to know you for who you are, was she ever really your friend?

Being yourself will attract people to you who like the “real you” and although it’s scary, you might find it helps you to be more confident in the long run. Who knows – maybe you’ll change her mind about same-sex relationships once she has real experience being friends with someone who is bisexual. Sometimes people just don't know enough about things like this. People can sometimes change their mind when they have more information or meet someone who is bisexual.

You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor in confidence about any of this or visit the message boards where other young people talk about experiences like yours.

I hope this helps, take care.

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