Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I'm bisexual but my parents and close friends are completly anti-LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) and I feel really worried and ashamed.   What should I do?
Ask Sam


Hi O,

Thanks for your letter.

It sounds like you’re clear about your own sexuality, but that you’re feeling stuck because the other people in your life seem so anti-LGBT. I’m really glad that you felt able to write to me about it.

It’s important to know that it’s never OK for anyone to judge you because of your sexuality. I can imagine it’s been scary thinking about other people’s reactions to you being bisexual. When you say that you feel both worried and ashamed it sounds like it’s been something that’s been difficult for you to accept yourself.

People become aware of their sexuality and sexual feelings at different ages. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ sexual orientation to have. Being bisexual doesn’t change the person that you are and it’s never something to be ashamed of.

You have as much right as anyone else to be honest about who you are. Unfortunately, as you’ve found, some people have unfairly negative attitudes towards the LGBT community. This can often be a result of ignorance or fear. It doesn’t mean that there is anything for you to be ashamed about. It also doesn’t mean that everyone else you meet will feel the same.

Telling the people in your life about being bisexual (sometimes called ‘coming out’) can be an incredibly difficult thing to do if you’re worried about their views on being LGBT. It’s completely up to you in terms of when or if you choose to tell people. However, it’s important to think about keeping yourself safe if you do decide to tell people who might not react positively.

Sometimes it can be good to start by choosing just one person in your life that you’d feel most comfortable telling. It could be someone in the family, a friend or even an adult you trust. When you’re not sure how someone might react, you could start by trying to bring more general sexuality issues into the conversation (e.g. by asking their opinion on same sex marriages).

It might be useful for you to have a look at the page on Sexual orientation in Explore, or to have a read through the Sexual identity message board where other young people talk about their experiences with being LGBT.

If you wanted to talk a bit further about your concerns, it might be a good idea to think about talking to a Childline counsellor. You can contact them by logging on for a 1-2-1 chat (which works like instant messenger), by calling on 0800 1111 (it’s free and won’t show up on the phone bill) or by sending them an email.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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