Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

It’s really good to hear from you.

I can see from your letter that you’ve been attracted to both boys and girls for some time and you have already taken the brave step of coming out to your friends a year ago. Now you want to tell your parents that you’re bisexual but you’re struggling to do this.

I can hear how hard you’re finding it to tell your parents. It sounds like you found it a bit easier to tell your friends. I wonder what’s making it harder with your parents? Perhaps you could thinking about what’s making it feel different from speaking to your friends. You haven’t mentioned in your letter what your relationship is like with your parents, or how you think that they might react. It could help to think about this too so that you are prepared and can feel confident about what you want them to hear.

Unfortunately, not everyone has a positive experience of coming out to their parents. Some parents or carers might not know how react, or others might be misinformed about sexual identity issues and be upset or angry. Other parents will be totally unsurprised and pleased that their children are happy to be open with them. You know your parents better than anyone else so only you can decide when and if you do want to tell them that you are bisexual. It is completely normal to be attracted to both boys and girls. You have the right to be able to be open with your parents about all aspects of who you are, but it’s important that you look after yourself if you’re not sure that they will respect this.

If you decide that you want to go ahead and tell your parents, it’s really important to choose a time when they have time to listen to what you have to say. It could help to have another member of the family with you that you trust when you do this if you need some extra support. You could talk to them first about what you want to say to your parents.

You might want to have a look at the sexual orientation page in Explore. The sexuality message board could also be interesting as it's a place for young people to share their experiences and ask each other for support. A couple of other webpages that you might find interesting are Young Stonewall and the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard which both offer advice about coming out.

I am really pleased that you took the brave step of writing to me and you have been really honest. If you feel that you want to talk to one of our counsellors you are welcome to contact us on 1-2-1 chat or ring us on 0800 1111.

Take care,

Sam