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To Sam

Bisexual but misunderstood

Hi Sam,

I'm bisexual, and I've come out to most of my family. My brother's known for ages but I told my parents recently. My dad was completely fine, but my mum was harder to judge - we don't really talk about emotions etcetera much (my parents are divorced so I kind of have two different lifestyles). She doesn't want me to tell others as she thinks it's just a phase, but it's not.

When I told my aunt, she said that 'Most people know who they like eventually' and that I'll know when I'm older (I'm 12 years old) this infuriated me somewhat as I do know who I like; males and females!

Today I told my grandma, but I was nervous as she's very opinionated, so my aunt was with me. In a odd turn of events, she ended up saying it for me, but instead of saying that I'm Bi, she said that I think I might be lesbian. She said this as if I'm unsure and my grandma started telling me I won't know until much later, and that I shouldn't tell people if I'm not sure. I don't know how to make people understand that I am at least 99.9999% sure that I am bisexual. Please help...

Ask Sam



Sexuality is a really interesting topic and everybody learns about it at different times. Nobody ever has the right to be prejudiced or make you feel bad about the person you are for any reason. It sounds really frustrating that people don't understand what you're telling them about your sexuality.

Talking to friends and family about your sexuality can be a difficult step. It’s natural to worry about what people may think about what you're telling them.

Some young people's feelings change during puberty and this could be why some adults may tell you not to rush into talking about your sexuality. People might want to make sure you don't have to tell friends and family if you change the way you feel about your sexuality.

However, many people are sure from a young age how they feel about their sexuality. It must be difficult to tell people about your sexuality, only to find that they don't understand.

You mentioned that your dad was accepting when you told him that you are bisexual. If your mum and dad get on okay, you could ask your dad to explain to your mum what you told him.

You could also think about getting support through friends or local youth clubs where you can meet other young people. This can be a way getting to know your other people and learning more about yourself. Some youth clubs also offer activities and discussions around sexuality.

You can also take a look at the sexuality section of the ChildLine message boards. You could ask about the experiences of other young people who have told their family about their sexuality. We also have more advice about sexuality here.

Some young people are very sure about their sexuality and others take longer to know their sexuality. Both are natural and nothing to worry about. As you grow older, you might find that your family becomes more comfortable with your sexuality.

Everybody is different. This difference should be celebrated because it makes communities and societies really interesting and exciting.

I hope this helps, but remember you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor if you need more support.

Take care,

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