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Hi there,
Thank you for your letter. It sounds like youre very worried for your brothers future. I can hear that you love him very much. You sound like a very thoughtful person and your brother and your mum are lucky to have you around.
I realise that the recent news about adults being abused by care staff would have been really scary for you to see. Its important, however, to remember that these sorts of incidents are very rare. There are a lot of care homes and services that are run by very professional people who care deeply for the people that they support.
It sounds like having more of a plan for your brothers care would help you feel less worried about what the future might bring. Its really good that you want to have a plan for the future, but its also important to be flexible. Life can be funny in that it can change very suddenly. Its important to have an open mind about what would right for your brother, and to balance that with what would be right for you and your mum. Your mum is right, you have the right to live your life too. Your brother is a really important part of your life, but its OK to need support with making sure that you all get enough of the things you need.
Perhaps you could also talk to your mum about having a plan for the next 3 years or so, and then once you get to three years see where you want to go next. Taking things in smaller steps can give you the flexibility to look at where you are as a family and what needs you have at the time - as these can change.
There are some great support services for people with autism and for their families. Do you have any outside help at the moment? If so, do you feel you can talk to them about your concerns?
You might want to check out the messageboards and maybe post a message of your own, to ask for advice from other young people in similar situations. There is currently a very busy board called living with deafness and disability that has several posts from worried siblings. You could also visit the National Autistic Society or Sibs (an organisation for the brother and sisters of people with a disability) for some more information.
If you want to talk about this a bit more, please feel free to speak to a counsellor about by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat or by calling 0800 1111.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.