Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

When parents decide to live apart it can be really difficult to make decisions about who you want to live with. Deciding to live with one parent can mean that you have to move areas and that you don’t get to see your other parent as often as you would like. This can be very upsetting, and you might also feel guilty for not choosing one of your parents and worry about what to say to them. 

Making a decision like this can feel really overwhelming. You mentioned feeling like you need to make the ‘right choice’. Knowing what the right choice is for you can feel very difficult so it’s a good idea to give yourself time to really think and to talk through all your thoughts and feelings. Doing this with ChildLine might be a good place to start.

There are often positives and negatives to living with one parent or another. Perhaps it’s worth writing all these thoughts down on paper in two different columns. You might also want to work out how you could get around the negatives of living with mum or you dad. For example, it's important to think about how often would you get to see your dad if you lived with mum.

Once you’ve had a think about how you could change these negatives into a situation that’s more bearable, does it change how you feel about who you want to live with?

It's natural to sometimes want someone just to tell you what the right thing is to do. ChildLine would never want to take control of your life, but we're always happy to support you and to listen to you. Only you can decide what you want to do but it’s also important for you to get support to help you to feel comfortable doing that. That’s why, once you’ve had a think, you might want to talk this through in more detail with a ChildLine counsellor. You can also think of asking an adult for help. And you don't have to cope on your own.

Take care,
Sam