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hi

i clicked on ask sam and it said that this week u wanted to hear from thoses living in care...i have been in care on  and off for a year and 5 months (5 months in 16 days) and i am not allowed to return home ever again because of what my mum, dad and sis did to me...but i am really worried about my little brother as they wont hurt him but he learns from watching others and he has been growing up around abuse buthe doesnt understand because he had neurologic developmental disorder and 16 other medical things wrong with him, i miss him so much and i would od anything to be with him but NOT witht he rest of the family...tome they are all dead appart from my little brother i have the rest of them because of what they did to me since i was little and i only got out march 21 2012 at 10 past two but i have been back in the house living there again and out again like a yo yo but the day i went my " family " didnt tell me my mum, dad and sister knew but they didnt tell my little brother coz they knew he would tell me...they said they didnt tell me because they were afraid i would run...i wouldnt have ran if they had told me someone was coming to collect me instead i was taken out of lesson and told ot get in a car with total strangers well they werent total strangers because one was a social worker andmy social worker was at hospital that day so i with with another social worker for the day...god i had only been that scared once and that was when my dad puched me in the chest while mum pinned me up off the floor by my neck......not the best way of telling your oldest child that she isnt wanted anymore...like i already knew that i wasnt but i refused to beleave it because i was still in the house then they removed me and i was like.sugar that realy didnt want or love me...by the way my acctual name is s
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Sam

Hi S,

Thanks for your letter.

You’ve done really well to tell me so much about your life, seems like that could have taken a lot of courage.

It sounds like your life at home was incredibly difficult, you’ve told us about a time when your mum held you off the ground by your throat and your dad punched you in the chest. When you were taken into care your parents didn’t tell you that it was going to happen. I can hear how scary it was for you to be collected from school by strangers with no idea of what was happening.

Moving into care can be a very difficult experience. It could be a good idea to remember that when decisions are made about moving children and young people away from their family homes, it is usually to make sure they can live in a safe place, but this can hard to understand or appreciate at the time.

It seems like being removed from home in that way has made moving into care really hard for you. You have said that it made you believe your parents didn’t want you or love you and that could have been really hard for you. It’s normal to have complicated and confusing feelings when you go through such a big change in your life. It’s important to try and talk to someone you trust about those feelings so they can support you in finding a way to cope.

You have told me about your little brother and I can tell how much you miss him. You’re not worried that your parents or sister would hurt him but you are concerned about what he might learn from them. Leaving behind family members you are close to can be one of the most difficult things about moving into care. If you are worried about what might happen to them after you leave, it’s really important to let your social worker or another trusted adult know so they can check on your family.

Nobody has to cope with moving into care by themselves. The ChildLine counsellors are always there to listen and support you by phone, maybe you could think about getting in touch? You could do this by calling 0800 1111 (it's a free number) sending an email or using 1-2-1 chat. You could also contact an organisation called The Who Cares Trust; they are really experienced at supporting children and young people who are in care.

There's also information on this site about abuse and living in care that you might find useful to have a look at.

Take care,

Sam

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