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To Sam

Help me help someone

I have a friend (sorry it's annonimus) who blames himself for his sisters death (she commit suicide and he was the one who found her) I just don't know what to say anymore, he is living in hell because he won't get it out of his mind. I have tried everything to help him but he is just constantly upset about it. Please help me, what do I do to help?  Thanks x
Ask Sam


Hi there,

I am glad that you have written this letter as I can see that your friend is struggling to cope with his sister’s suicide and is blaming himself for what happened. It can be hard to convince others that they are not to blame when something like this happens, and that is where good friends can help.

Everyone copes with loss in a different way and nobody knows how they will react when they lose someone close to them. There is no right or wrong way to cope. Sometimes the best thing you can do for another person is just let them know that you are there to support them whenever they feel ready to talk to you. Maybe you could write them a note, giving your phone number and email address so that they can contact you if they need to talk to you.

Your friend could contact ChildLine, they can talk about anything and ChildLine will listen to them without judging them. They can talk to a counsellor directly by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat or ring the free phone number 0800 1111 for a direct contact. There is a page on our website about when somebody dies. It talks a lot about the different feelings experienced when you lose someone.

Cruse bereavement have a young person’s website called RD4U which he may find useful. is the website address and they offer support after the death of someone close. is another site that can help them get over the death of their sister. They may not feel ready to talk about feelings now, but you can support them to find help when they feel able to do so. Talking to teachers at school may also be a way to get some help.

Remember there is always someone at ChildLine for you to talk to if you need support for yourself.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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