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To Sam

1st Christmas In Care :/


Uhm, basically I'm worried about my (lack of) life in general, but I've been in Foster Care for about 8/9 months now and it's my first Christmas coming up now. I don't like the thought of spending my Christmas in a home with a family who aren't really MINE and away from my mum, whom I've spnt every Christmas I've had so far with.

I think that I might be feeling sad this Christmas, but don't want to be a Ba Humbug and ruin everyone else's Christmas, just because I feel out-of-place.

If you were in my situation... How would you feel/act?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for writing and explaining how things are for you right now. 

It seems like the last 8/9 months have brought a huge change and you’re doing your best to adapt to the challenges the new change brings. I think that takes a lot of courage.

At Christmas time, our emotions can feel stronger and extra sensitive and we often think of family more than usual. It’s understandable that your first Christmas spent away from your mum feels difficult and it feels a bit strange thinking how to act with your foster family.

Missing your mum in this way or being sad doesn’t mean you are “Ba Humbug” and it’s also ok for you to enjoy any part of Christmas you can with your new family. I wonder if you and your mum have had the opportunity to tell each other that you will still think of each other often even though you’re apart.

Would there be a possibility for you to see your mum or speak to her by telephone over Christmas? If not, some young people like to write a journal about any moments, special thoughts or memories that you and your mum have shared or anything else about Christmas that you want to share with her when you can.

I hear your worries about feeling out of place and wonder if you feel more like this now or at other times too. Just being you and not putting yourself under pressure to act in a certain way will help. It is likely that your foster family will understand how much you miss your mum and it will be a time of learning for them too. 

If you want to talk at any time during the Christmas period, you can speak to a ChildLine counsellor free on 0800 1111 or log in for a 1-2-1 chat. The counsellor will listen, go at your pace and be there to support you and you can tell them anything that you like.

Thanks for having the courage to write and I hope this helps.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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