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Asker

To Sam

17 and kicked out

Firstly i would just like to show my appreciation for this site and the advice you offer. i am currently studying my AS levels and have just completed my exams. My mum has recently got married and they have both told me i have to leave because they are under the impression i dont pull my weight around the house in terms of helping around - reasons being i have alot of examination pressure and this is not considered at all. Well we had an arguement and i have been kicked out - my dad is looking after me currently but he only has a 1 bedroom flat, and he cannot financially afford to look after me and his flat is too small. He is going to send me back there and i dont wish to go back - in the process of the arguing i felt threatened by my mums new husband 'dont challenge me' and what i wanted to ask is; i wanted to know if accomodation is provided for a year or two until i can hopefully go to university. Also where i can obtain help to discuss my issues.
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi,

Thanks for your message – it’s great that you feel able to contact me. It sounds like there has been lots of change in your life with exams and your mum getting married.

It feels like your mum and her new husband have not understood how stressful the exam period has been for you. Perhaps it would help to have a sit down with your mum and her new husband about your workload. You could explain how important it is for you to get good grades so you can go to university. You could also try to come to an agreement of things that you can do around the house during term time that won’t affect your workload, such as doing some of the housework or helping with the food shopping.

It is concerning that you felt threatened by your mum’s new husband. If you haven’t already, I would suggest you tell your mum and dad how you felt. It could be that your stepdad did not realise how his behaviour left you feeling. However, if you ever felt you needed immediate help to stay safe you can ring 999.

Moving out from family can be really hard as you have to consider paying rent, energy bills (water, gas, electric), and have money for food, clothes and college equipment. So it is worth exploring whether you can stay with other family members or friends.

If it is not possible for you to return home or stay with other family there are other options and the government has some information about what is available to you.

You could also speak to your college's student services advisor. They are likely to know of local services to you that can help you find accommodation and any financial help you might be entitled to, such as bursaries. Getting student services and your form tutor involved might also be a good idea, just in case the stress starts to affect your college work.

There is also lots of advice on the Shelter website (or you could ring on Freephone 0808 800 4444) such as when social services can help, how to get emergency accommodation, and how to access help from your local council. If the local council offer your family mediation to keep you at home, I would suggest you tell the housing officer how you feel around your stepdad.

Another option is the Foyer Federation. Foyers provide accommodation for 16-25 year olds, and help with training and education needs. You do have to be referred from your local council and you will have to pay rent, but you can stay there for 6 months to 2 years.

For more information and support you can to speak with a counsellor here at ChildLine – you can ring on Freephone 0800 1111, log on for a 1-2-1 chat, or send an email.       

Take care,
Sam

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