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My freind keeps leaving me all alone

Hi Im ellie and im 10. My best freind keeps leaving me all by myself and keeps starting arguments with me. Even though she does this I feel like I want her to keep being my friend because she can actually be fun sometimes.

Sometimes when we are playing she says ' No. Dont do that, do this. NOO. For god sake' then goes off in a strop and sometimes when I have to go in the office for a job for the whole of lunch, she won't speak to me afterwards and just ignores me when i say sorry...

I have tried to leave her and just be freinds. But I feel mean and she doesnt even talk to me then. Its either best freinds or not friends with her...

I feel so alone when she leaves me and it feels like nobody else will play with me. I just sit in the cloakroom staring into space not mnowing what to do.. Please help. I dont know what to do about it.

from ellie

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Sam

Hi there Ellie,

Thank you so much for telling me about this.  You sound like you’re having a tough time with your best friend and I can tell that you are finding her behaviour upsetting.  From what you’ve said, you don’t want to stop being friends with her because you sometimes have fun together but you sound as though you want her to stop doing this. Friends matter and we feel we want to keep them and help them when something is wrong and even when they hurt us, we can still care about them.

Perhaps you could try to talk to her when the two of you are getting on well.  What would it be like to tell her how you feel either by having a conversation with her or by writing her a letter?  Sometimes friends are not aware of the way they are behaving and the effect it has on those around them. Perhaps talking would be helpful for both of you and it just takes one of you to start the conversation. It can be difficult when you feel as though you’re going through something alone. I’m wondering whether anyone else at school knows what’s happening and how you’d feel about choosing someone you trust to tell about this.

What would it be like to perhaps think of other things you could do if you do find yourself on your own during a break?  It can help to think about what you’d enjoy doing and then seeing if there’s anybody else who’d like to join in. You mentioned that it feels like nobody else will play with you. If people are ignoring you or leaving you out, this is a form of bullying and it’s not OK for anybody to behave this way towards you. If it’s becoming a problem, remember that school has a responsibility to help you and you can tell a teacher about it.

If you’d like to talk some more about how this is making you feel, remember that you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor through 1-2-1 chat, or you can have a look at the Explore section of the ChildLine website where you will find helpful information on different issues related to different forms of bullying.

You’ve done really well to start talking about this – Thanks again for writing.

Take care,

Sam

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