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To Sam

Is it bullying?

Lately I had a falling out with a popular girl, and my social status started to fade.

Now, I feel as if I have no friends because the friends I thought I had started to spill my secrets to the girl I stopped being friends with and other people. My bestfriend has a crush on the most popular boy in my class, and he asked her who I liked and she told him, fortunatly she told him the next most popular person and he didn't believe her (Thank gosh!) but when I text her to ask her why she did that she said "I tripped and fell over and it just came out." and I forgave her. But then the rumors started about me after that scenario, like I wear makeup (I wear sunblock Im extreamly pale), and I wear mascara, and I'm a know it all and hurtful things like that.

When I confronted the girl who was spreading the rumors (my ex-friend) she said that she and her friends never did that and that my only friend was lying, but the part I'm upset about is my friend has a record of lying to people and saying things to get her 15 seconds of fame.

My only friend (lets call her Jean) knows I have OCD about everything! But when I make a mental note and say to myself "I've locked my locker." Jean says at our next class "Did you lock your locker?" and I say "Yes I did." Jean says "No, you left it open, and said you'd shut it tomorrow." And Jean and another girl (lets call her Hayley) laughs at me as I ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom and them I run with pencil case back to my locker to check and when I get back to class Jean says "JK (just kidding)." and Hayley and her laugh, Jean knows I have servere anxiety. But when she broke up with her boyfriend she expected my to feel so sorry for her and two weeks after my crush started to date my ex-bestfriend (the rumor spreading girl lets call her Violet). Jean started to laugh when I cried about this at her house and started to say things like "Cry a river, build a bridge and get over it!" and things like that. When I said "I dont know if we are good friends anymore." she perposly told Violet my secrets, but Violet knew Jean was infamous for lying and only spread the ones that could be true.

Jean and I are friends again and I talked to her about her NEVER doing that again, she said she wouldn't but it's not the first time it has happened.  Are 'Violet' and 'Jean' bullying me?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

It can be really confusing when people you think of as friends do things which could be classed as bullying. It’s easy to think about someone who bullies as being very mean all the time. But sometimes bullying can be subtle.

Bullying is when someone says or does something to deliberately upset someone, talks about someone to others in a negative way or make someone feel negatively about themselves by putting them down.

Bullying can happen between friends. It could even be done by someone who should be looking after you, like a parent or teacher. Whoever's doing it, bullying is never okay.

Friendships can sometimes be difficult and there can be times when we disagree or fall out. We are all individuals, so naturally there will be times when we see things differently to our friends.

It seems like Jean deliberately tried to make you worried and upset when she mentioned your locker being open. She has also acted unfairly by talking to other people about you. Violet has also been spreading rumours which can be very upsetting whether or not they are true. Here at ChildLine, we would say that what has been happening is bullying and is something you deserve support with.

It’s really positive you felt able to talk to Jean about how she has been making you feel. Sometimes letting someone else know the impact of what they are doing can really help them to see things from another point of view. And this may help them to make changes to improve your friendship. If you still find that she says or does things to upset you, a teacher can support you. You have a right to go to school without feeling upset or worried about what people might be saying. All schools have an anti-bullying policy which will tell you a bit more about the support your school can give you.

Remember you can talk to a ChildLine counsellor about how you are feeling anytime. You can also find support on the ChildLine message boards about friendships and bullying from other young people who might have experienced something similar or have some support and advice to offer. This is not something you have to go through alone.

Take care,

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