Ask Sam letter


To Sam

fitting in

hi, im autistic [ i have aspergers syndrome] and im having problems fitting in at my new school, i have about 2 friends and i want to make more , but im scared to approach them because i dont know what to say. do you have any advice???
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Starting a new school can be challenging, as you try to find your way around and get to know people. It’s natural for it to take a little time before you feel settled and to have some worried about meeting with new people and making friends.

If you have a condition on the autistic spectrum, like Asperger’s syndrome, that can make it feel really hard. Autism affects people in different ways, but one of those ways might be that it’s hard to know what other people are thinking and feeling. This can make getting to know people and making friends difficult. It can be hard to know when is the right time to start a conversation with someone or what to talk about.

Talking to people you trust around you might be a way to get some ideas about how to make friends. It’s also a really good idea to make sure your school know that you are autistic, if they don’t already. A parent or career can help you to do this. 

Some schools have clubs or groups based around people’s interests. It might be a good idea to join a club that you’re interested in. And you can meet people who like similar things. It’s natural to feel unsure about how to talk to people for the first time. But sometimes just saying hello with a smile can be enough to get a conversation started. Perhaps asking about people’s hobbies and interests could help you to think about who you might like to develop a friendship with.

You could try some of our top tips for making friends to see if that might help. If you would like to talk to a counsellor about what school is like or anything else that’s on your mind, they're always there to listen and support you.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter