Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I'm a 12 year old girl in 1st year in secondary school. I've always had 1 best friend since playschool. The problem is that I feel like I just don't fit in. I haven't really made any friends yet but my best friend is friends with everyone. Sometimes I feel like I hate her! I wish I could just fit in with everyone else. It's really annoying cuz I'm really small and quiet and I feel like no one even notices me! Everyone in my year is in groups and has best friends and I feel like I'm the odd one out. Sometimes it makes me feel really depressed :(
Its not any better at home because I am always fighting with my mum and she thinks that I have loads of friends and I always get blamed for everything and my little sisters are so mean to me. I really don't know what to do :( I'm just waiting for something to get better but nothing is happening. I would really appreciate some advice, thanks,
Ask Sam



Thanks for sending your letter to me and I can hear things have been difficult for you since moving into secondary school.

Sometimes when moving from primary school to secondary school it can take a while to adjust to everything and this is completely normal. For some people it is a time of really big changes and there can be so many new things and people (like teachers) to get used to. You might also find that some of the friendships you had in primary school start to change as well. 

If you are finding it difficult to make friends then one thing you could try is to get involved with clubs or events at your school - this can often be a good way of making new friends as you already have something in common with the other people in the group. Chances are there are other people in the new school who are feeling the same way you are and other people like you may be looking for new friends too. Some schools even organise events for new pupils to get to know each other, so this can be worth looking out for or asking about too.

It sounds you feel mum treats you unfairly at times and this is adding to the stress that you are experiencing; it might be an idea to talk to mum about how you are feeling about things at home as she might not realise just how much this is affecting you. There is some more useful information about dealing with family issues in Explore.

I would also encourage you to come and have a chat with one of the counsellors at ChildLine as people often feel better after talking things through with someone. You can get in touch by ringing 0800 1111, requesting a 1-2-1 chat through the website or sending ChildLine an e-mail.

Take care,


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