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To Sam

Will He Ever Like me?

Dear Sam,

Im 16 years old and I have an older brother who is 19, he hates me. I remeber when I was maybe 4 or 5 he used to say that he would play football with me and then he would hit me over the head with the plastic goal posts and throw the ball as hard as he could at my face. I would have bruises all over my face, my nose would bleed. My parents always found out and my brother was always grounded or had his videos took off him, But that only made things worse and I lost confidence in my self

Me and my brother still do not get along, We still live together and he screams at me, calls me fat and ugly and horrible, he says he hates me and cant bare the fact that we are related. About a year ago I started self harming my brother caught me with a razor blade, he told me to cut deeper and make my cuts mean something then threatned to cut my throat open. A few weeks back he pushed me down the stairs, and tried to throw me out the window. he punched me sevral times, I threatned to call the police but know I realise I was just being stupid. He always picks faults with me, I guess i'm sorta the bad one to because i always react and say something back to him, He is friends with all the people who bully me, and its really hurtful that I have to have the bullies in my own home.

He hasn't got any problems or anything, all the teachers at school have him in mind as a well behaved quiet A pupil. Around everyone else hes happy and cheery. I know it sounds stupid but all I want is for him to like me, I guess I just want a relationship with him hes my only sibling.

Basically what I am asking, Is this normal sibling reactions or is it more than  that, do you think he will ever like me?

Edited by Sam to keep letter within word limit

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Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like what's happening with your brother is really serious and it has been going on for a long time. He absolutely does not have the right to hurt you like this. You have said that in a way you think you are the bad one because you always react to him. Sometimes when we have been treated badly for a long time, we can start to feel like it is our fault or we deserve it in some way, but that doesn’t mean that is true.

It is normal for siblings to fall out and fight a bit, but what you are describing sounds like it goes further than that. If you are getting hurt it isn’t okay. It sounds like he is being physically and emotionally abusive to you. You can take a look at our abuse pages for more information and advice. If you ever think you are in danger from him or that he is about to hurt you, you do have the right to call 999 and it’s the quickest way to get help.

You mention him being happy and cheery around other people. It sounds seeing him switch on the charm for others is confusing and hurtful for you. I can hear how much you want him to like you, despite everything he’s put you through. You sound like a very caring and compassionate person. I am really glad you felt able to get in touch with me. ChildLine is a safe space where you can get support with your feelings and help with deciding what you might want to do.

It sounds like for some reason your brother has a lot of anger and he is directing it at you. The way he behaves towards you is not your fault. It might be helpful if your family got some support so that you can be safe. This could also help your brother work through his anger in a safe way and learn about what is unacceptable behaviour. It is not your responsibility to sort this out for him but I am wondering what you think it might be like to talk to someone about it that you trust. This could be your parents, another family member, a teacher or a school counsellor. It might be helpful to talk to a trusted adult when you are feeling calmer, rather than when something has just happened.

If you would like support with thinking more about this, you are very welcome to talk to a ChildLine counsellor over the phone or by using 1-2-1 chat. We don’t pass on anything that you tell us to anyone else unless we believe that a young person’s life is in immediate danger.

Take care,

Sam

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