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To Sam

Unsiversity dorms

im 16 now and ive spoken to my family about living in uni dorms. my dad said he would disown me if i ever try snd move out before getting married. i want to move out, what should i do? im not allowed to do anything because im a GIRL he said he would never speak of me again and that once i move out i shouldnt try moving back in. he wasnt joking. my dad is stubborn and if i do move out he will 100% disown me and keep his word.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

As you get older it's natural to want to move out and do more things for yourself. Your gender has nothing to do with how independent you can be and your dad is wrong to use this to pressure you into staying at home. If this is part of a pattern of controlling behaviour it could be emotional abuse. At some point you'll need to make a difficult decision about what you want to do and your future. When that time comes it helps to be prepared both emotionally and financially.

Sometimes parents find it difficult to think about their children moving out and being independent. This can be even more common in certain cultures, especially with girls. It's not okay for anyone to say that you're any less capable because of your gender.

If you feel like you're going to want to move out then it's important to prepare things beforehand. If you're able to work part-time or earn money in some way then you should save as much as you can before leaving home. Financial independence is a big step towards moving out on your own. It would also be worth looking into things like university accommodation and what support you can get for this. Student finance could advise about any grants you might be entitled to if your parents aren't supporting you financially.

Although it's difficult, you may also need to prepare yourself emotionally if your dad does follow through with his threat. Try to think about how you would feel if this does happen and compare it to how you might feel if you did what he wanted and only moved out once you'd married. There may be family members or other adults close to your dad who you could ask to talk to him for you. If you trust them to keep it confidential you could always ask them what they think about you moving out and whether they'd be able to support you emotionally if you do.

Childline will always be here for you - you can talk to us until you turn 19, so even during the first year of university. Thanks for writing to me, I hope this letter has helped you.

Take care,


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