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To Sam

Too young to be gay?

Hi Sam,

im 12 year old girl  (but will be 13 in a week or 2)  ive always been having thoughts about my sexuality and I have liked boys in the past but now I really like girls and boys just don't interest me at all. Recently my secondary school had a ceilidh dance and you HAD to dance with the opposite gender, so i had to dance with boys and I had no choice. When it came to holding hands and stuff I felt so awkward and very uncomfortable and one day there weren't enough boys so I had to pair up with a girl and I felt perfectly comfortable doing it and not weird at all. That's when I realised I defiantly like girls. I went out with a girl for a few weeks but I dumped her because she wasn't very nice and was mean towards my cousin. I've been watching LGBT youtubers, The L word, Orange is the new black, ect. It has really hepled me realise that I am different but it's okay. I know you can go to LGBT youth meetings or something like that, I wondered what the age for that was and how I would possibly be able to go to something like that without my parents noticing because I'm too afraid to tell them incase they don't believe me, tell me it's a phase or that I'm simply "too young to be gay". I have a cousin who is gay and she is awesome and I always get along with her because she likes the same things as me and has the same humor, we are having a family holiday near June/July and I thought of speaking to her about it all there, should I? 

Ask Sam


Hi there,

It can be confusing to think about your sexuality, who you feel attracted to and comfortable with, and what that means to you. There’s a lot to think about.

Some people can know from quite a young age whether they’re gay, straight or bisexual, and for others it can take some time to figure out. For some which gender they feel attracted to can feel like it changes over time and for others it can feel very fixed. All these different ways to be are completely normal. We’re all just different in our own way.

Wanting to get to know other people who may be having similar thoughts and feelings about their sexuality is completely understandable. In some areas there are LGBT youth groups and some people do find these useful. Each group like this would have their own age range, so it might take a little bit of research to find out if there is something like that in your area and whether it’s designed for your age group.

Not everyone feels comfortable with their parents knowing about their sexuality but if you’re considering going to a group like this it would be important for them to know where you are, to be able to make sure that this group is a safe place for you to be.

Lots of people sometimes feel worried that if they tell people how they’re feeling about their sexuality then they won’t be believed or people will think they are too young to know. It’s really important to remember it's up to you who you tell and when you tell them.

If there is someone in your life who you feel comfortable talking to and you feel may be supportive then that could be a great person to start with. Some things to think about are how much you feel comfortable sharing and when might be a good time. It would be good if you could sit down and talk without interruptions. 

You may also find the ChildLine message board on sexual identity a good place to see what others have said about their sexuality and have conversations with other young people about it in a safe space.

ChildLine counsellors are always there to listen to you and will always respect and believe what you tell them. You may also like to take a look our page on sexual orientation for some more information and support. There is also an organisation called Young Stonewall  –  their website has advice about issues affecting lesbian, gay and bisexual people that you might like to take a look at.

Take care,

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