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To Sam


my parents have been on and off, they said they were getting a divorce a few years back and then the next day they literally said we are working things out. they are not happy i can tell so i looked at the texts on my dads phone between them and it was about divorce after christmas, my dad is looking at a house tomorrow i presume and none of them know i know about the texts. i talk to my mum about what happens if they seperate and how i want to live with my dad which she says is fine and im old enought to choose. i don't get along with my siblings at all and my mum and i are on and off, my dad is the only one i look up to. i dont know when i can ask my dad and tell him that i want to live with him as he might diasgree with my splitting from my siblings who are bullies. im scared he'll say im better off with my mum (i hate my mum) plus my dad works really late will that affect custody?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Sometimes if adults aren’t happy in a relationship with each other, things can become easier in some ways after they separate. Even if going through it feels difficult at the time.

It’s understandable to feel nervous about what will happen when parents split up. This can be a scary and confusing time. And you might worry what your family will be like in the future. It’s good that you’ve already spoken to your mum and told her what you’d like to happen. Perhaps you could think about asking her to speak to dad about it. It’s important to try and let them know what you want, as you have the right to be listened to when decisions are made about custody and where you’ll spend your time.

If you don’t feel able to speak to your dad directly, you could write down what you want to tell him – you could give him that letter, or it might help you to feel more confident about having a conversation. Lots of young people find it easier to write down what they want to say. It can help you practise and change what you want to say before you settle on a final version.

You said your siblings are bullies. Although people often argue with brothers or sisters, it's not ok for them to bully you. And you deserve to get support.

If you'd like to talk more, you could talk to a counsellor. You may be able to get some tips from other young people by posting a message on the Divorce message board, or take a look on the Divorce Aid website.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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