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To Sam

My sister wreastles with me

I am older than my sister, but smaller. She wreastles with me and it hurts, but I don't want to tell her that it hurts because I don't want to seem weak. She bullies me all the time. She likes to do it infront of her friends to seem cool. I tried to tell my mom. She talks to my sister and my sister didn't listen. I haven't talked about it since with my mom. I don't want to get my sister introuble with my mom. It makes me really mad that I can't do anything since I am weak. And I am smaller than her. It really hurts because I know she is younger. Please help me.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like you are finding the situation with your sister really upsetting. I get the sense it feels hard because what happens is physically hurting you but it’s also very emotionally difficult because your younger sister has grown bigger than you and you aren’t sure how to deal with this situation.

It’s not okay to physically hurt another person. Sometimes things start off as jokes or just messing about which is meant to be fun, but as soon as even one person doesn’t like it or feels hurt or uncomfortable it’s not funny anymore.

You mentioned that this situation makes you feel weak. You seem to be angry with yourself for not being as physically strong as her and I can hear this is very tough for you but I don’t think you sound weak. People come in all different shapes and sizes with their own individual abilities. Just because someone may be physically stronger does not make you weak, although I can see it may feel that way sometimes.

I’m wondering what your relationship is like with your sister when this isn’t happening. What do you think it would be like if your sister knew how you felt? It’s possible that she doesn’t realise how much this is upsetting you. It sounds like sometimes she acts differently when other people are around, which a lot of people do. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to her one on one.

You said you don’t want to talk to your mum again right now as you don’t want to get your sister in trouble, but if things continue you may want to think about speaking to your mum again. I think it wouldn’t be your fault if you sister gets in trouble as her actions are her responsibility.

If you find it difficult to talk to your mum about it, maybe an idea would to write her a letter in the same way you have written to me telling her what is going on. You have been really clear in your letter to me about how you feel. A similar letter might just help your mum understand better what you have been going through.

You would be very welcome to talk to a counsellor if you would like some support in thinking about how to talk to either your sister or your mum. It might be helpful for you just to get some support with how this is all feeling for you. You could also have a look on the ChildLine message boards, as there is a section on Home and family.

Take care,

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