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Hi there,
Thanks for your letter.
Feeling stuck between what makes you happy and trying to respect your parents wishes is never an easy. Im really glad that you are talking about it though.
Youve not mentioned how old you are, but as you get older it can be natural for you and your parents to start disagreeing on what you feel is best for your happiness. When youre young your parents usually get a lot of say in what you are and arent allowed to do, but as you get older you can start to get more independence and be more able to make your own decisions. Sometimes when what you want and what your parents want are different it can cause arguments.
Arguments about what you want to do can happen for a lot of different reasons. Sometimes it can be because of things like faith. Arguments might also happen because your parents are worried about things going wrong for you. Your parents might even be feeling pushed out of your life when they used to be a much bigger part of it.
It can be difficult knowing what to do when your parents start giving you mixed signals like getting angry but then being really nice, especially when it leaves you feeling like they might be planning something. I can imagine it being difficult having them keep your phone as well.
When you talk about all of this and what you should do, the one thing that sticks out is how little you and your parents have actually spoken about it. Firstly you saw your boyfriend for a year without them knowing. Secondly your parents just got angry and then acted nice without talking about it openly.
Im wondering what youd most want to say to your parents, if you felt able to say anything to them and not have to worry about how it might go. Sometimes thinking about how you want things to be can be a really good place to start on what you feel is best.
You may also think about speaking to someone who you trust about this, like a teacher, aunt or friend's parent. You can find out more about asking an adult for help here.
Sometimes when youre thinking about what to say it can help to think about the best way to say it as well. Our page on being assertive has loads of tips on how to say what you feel without it turning into an argument.
Unfortunately you cant always control what other people say or think. Its important to remember that you always deserve respect no matter what the situation. You always have a right to choose what you feel is best, but its important to think about what would happen if you decided to leave or stay with your boyfriend.
It would be a really good idea to think about contacting a ChildLine counsellor. You can talk to them by using a 1-2-1 chat, by sending an email or even by calling for free on 0800 1111.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.