Ask Sam letter


To Sam

My parents disapproving my relationship with a boy i like

Its been almost a year since I've dated a nice guy in my year group. Were both really shy so we mostly text each other. Recently my mum found out, and because i am Muslim, she was very angry and she told my dad. My parents acted very strangely, being even nicer to me than before, although they have taken my phone, which lies on their bedroom table all day. They havn't talked to me about anything related to relationships, but they are acting very strange from when they first found out. My mum was shouting at me that day she found out and she was very disappointed, and now shes acting so nice to me. I know somethings up, my parents may be planning something behind my back and im not sure what. I need help because im getting mixed signals. Should i just break up with my boyfriend and respect my parents and religion? Or shall i stay in this happy relationship, because its the only thing that makes me smile nowadays? Im sooo confused so please relpy ASAP xx
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

Feeling stuck between what makes you happy and trying to respect your parent’s wishes is never an easy. I’m really glad that you are talking about it though.

You’ve not mentioned how old you are, but as you get older it can be natural for you and your parents to start disagreeing on what you feel is best for your happiness. When you’re young your parents usually get a lot of say in what you are and aren’t allowed to do, but as you get older you can start to get more independence and be more able to make your own decisions. Sometimes when what you want and what your parents want are different it can cause arguments.

Arguments about what you want to do can happen for a lot of different reasons. Sometimes it can be because of things like faith. Arguments might also happen because your parents are worried about things going wrong for you. Your parents might even be feeling pushed out of your life when they used to be a much bigger part of it.

It can be difficult knowing what to do when your parents start giving you mixed signals like getting angry but then being really nice, especially when it leaves you feeling like they might be planning something. I can imagine it being difficult having them keep your phone as well.

When you talk about all of this and what you should do, the one thing that sticks out is how little you and your parents have actually spoken about it. Firstly you saw your boyfriend for a year without them knowing. Secondly your parents just got angry and then acted nice without talking about it openly.

I’m wondering what you’d most want to say to your parents, if you felt able to say anything to them and not have to worry about how it might go. Sometimes thinking about how you want things to be can be a really good place to start on what you feel is best.

You may also think about speaking to someone who you trust about this, like a teacher, aunt or friend's parent. You can find out more about asking an adult for help here.  

Sometimes when you’re thinking about what to say it can help to think about the best way to say it as well. Our page on being assertive has loads of tips on how to say what you feel without it turning into an argument.

Unfortunately you can’t always control what other people say or think. It’s important to remember that you always deserve respect no matter what the situation. You always have a right to choose what you feel is best, but it’s important to think about what would happen if you decided to leave or stay with your boyfriend.

It would be a really good idea to think about contacting a ChildLine counsellor. You can talk to them by using a 1-2-1 chat, by sending an email or even by calling for free on 0800 1111.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter