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My Mum

Dear Sam
I am 12 and my mum and step-dad split up a couple of months ago. I hated him and I was finnaly happy when they split. But they have a son together. On New Year's Eve me and my mum went to my boyfriends house for tea and my mums ex watched his son. While we were out he looked on my mums iPad and saw  messages to my mums boyfriend. My mum was very angry therefore she got very drunk. On our way home she told me to sit at the bottom of the stairs when we got back to listen out for if he was going to hit her and she also told me to have 999 at the ready. 10 mins had past then I heard them kissing which tore my heart into peices. I rung my grandad and he rung my mum but they just carried on and on so I text my mum 'I want to live with my dad!' Then she finnaly realise I was upset so she told him to leave and she realised what she had done. But now every time a man comes close to my mum I feel protective and I hate it when I hear my mum and her boyfriend sleeping together. This may sound like a not very serious situation but I just need some advice. Thanks F*
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your message.

I can hear how difficult things have been with your family so far this year. It sounds like your mum’s relationships affect you in a number of ways and you’ve had to hear and see some upsetting things. Your mum has put you in situations that you didn’t want to be in and this has been hard for you to cope with.

You might want to consider being honest with your mum about how all of this is making you feel. It can be hard sometimes for parents to recognise how much their children have been affected by something and it can help to be open about how you feel. You hate it when you hear your mum and her boyfriend sleeping together. This is something you may feel unable to talk to her about, but your feelings are important and you deserve to be taken seriously. If she doesn't know how you feel, things might not get better.  

Even if telling your family about how you feel doesn’t change the situation, having things out in the open could make you feel better about this. You have spoken to your granddad about what happened, and maybe he could help you explain how you feel to your mum. If you feel you can't talk to anyone in your family, maybe you have a favourite teacher who can support you.

You may want to talk to a ChildLine counsellor directly about what you're going through. There is always someone to listen to you and support you through this tough time.

You can ring the free phone number 0800 11 11, log in for a 1-2-1 chat or send an email.

The divorce and separation section on the ChildLine message boards is another place to get support.

Thanks again for writing to me.

Take care,

Sam

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