Ask Sam letter


To Sam

My mum is replacing me with my best friend

I recently moved away to university which has been a very overwhelming time for me. Before I moved, I had a very close best friend who also got on with my mum really well, which was great! But since I have moved away, my mum and friend have gotten even closer. I have just discovered that my friend comes to visit my mum and speaks to her every day via facebook to talk about me! I have seen messages that say they think I am selfish, but I do not know what I've done to make them think this way! I was always really close to my mum and friend but now I feel like I cannot trust them at all and that my place in my family has been now taken by my friend. I don't know what to do.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Moving away to University is a big change to go through. And it can also have an impact on people at home. When you're dealing with lots of new challenges, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes.

It can be really difficult to feel we're losing touch with someone close to us, or that people we care about are becoming closer. Friendships can sometimes be confusing and it can help to take a step back and make sure we're really sure about what's going on.

As you were close to your mum and your friend, it’s likely that they'll both be missing you too – that could be one reason for spending more time together. Perhaps you could let your Mum or your friend know you've been upset by things you think they have said.

Sharing worries and concerns with people we trust can help us to see them differently and more clearly. Perhaps you could think about a mutual friend or another family member you could share your worries with. If you’re not able to talk face-to-face, you could mention it in an online message, on the phone or even write a letter.

Other young people have spoken about the challenges of starting university on the home and school message board. You could post a message there, or on the [friends message board](, for support from other people.

You can always talk to the counsellors through the 1-2-1 chat or call them on 0800 1111.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter