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To Sam

My mum having parental responsibility.

Hi, sorry if my spelling is bad,
anyway i am in care but my mum still has parental responsibility over me but i hate it, she is a controll freak and loves controlling me and even through i aint with her she is happy because she made a deal with soical services that it was fine for me to come into care as long as she has parental responsibility and they agreed but i wasnt told anything and i dont get a say in what happens to me, my mum does and i hate it so much because i am not aloud to do anything till like go onto facebook,msn,twitter,bebo, i aint aloud to see certain friends that my mum does not like and i am not aloud to see and stay with family members that she goes not get along with or does not like me sleeping round there. she has never ever gave me a answer but the wrost thing is when i was living with her she used to let me and i dont understand the differents between living with her and not living with her if you know what i mean. i have spoken to so many people but i dont know wat to do now, i have called up alot of childrens legal advice but they just keep giving me numbers and i am not getting anyway and i need your help, because i cant take it no more.
Ask Sam


Hi and thanks for your message,

It sounds like you feel you have very little control over what happens to you - both overall and in your day to day life and I can hear how frustrating that would be.

From what you’ve said it sounds like the day-to-day things like going out, going on social networks and seeing family are what’s having the biggest effect on you. When it comes to those things it sounds as though you feel your mum is deliberately disallowing them and still having control over you, even though you’re not in her care.

Someone who should be able to sort this out for you is your social worker so it would be important to make it clear to them how unhappy you are about the situation. It sounds like you have probably talked to your social worker already but you feel that they are not listening to you. It could be that you need someone to speak to your social worker for you, on your behalf - this is called an advocate. Sometimes it can help to tell your social worker that you do not feel listened to; often a simple conversation can help to set things back on track.

There is an organisation called the National Youth Advocacy Service that works with young people when they feel they aren’t being listened to by people that make decisions for them. I know you said you’d called a lot of places already but you might find this useful – you can call for free on 0808 808 1001 or e-mail them on [email protected] to find out if they are someone who could help you.

It’d be important to make sure you feel able to cope in the meantime though as it sounds pretty frustrating for you. Although you feel you aren’t being listened to elsewhere, we will always hear what you’re saying and so I’d encourage you to talk to one of our counsellors – they are here for you and to support you as much as they can. You can get in touch with them either online, on the phone 0800 1111 or by e-mail.

Thanks again for your message, we hope to hear from you soon.

Take care.


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