Ask Sam letter


To Sam

My mum hates me

My mum keeps on shouting at my all the time for no reason, the other day she threw her high heels at because when I got home before her I didn't turn on a lamp. She is always saying to other parents how awful I am but I can't see what I do wrong. She always calls me fat which makes my sad and cry. Sometimes when she screams so much I hurt myself to stop me from doing wrong, all my friends parents are so nice and are so much nicer than my mum she always says how I inconvenience her because she has to spend £2 a day on my school meals. Please reply Sam I need some help on what to do :( .
Ask Sam


Hi there,

It’s not okay for mum to throw things at you, to say that you’re awful, call you fat or make you feel like you aren’t loved and cared for. When she throws things at you, it’s physical abuse and when she makes you feel bad about yourself using her words, that’s emotional abuse. And both of these things are very wrong.

I can hear that the way things are at home with mum have made you feel really low. From what you’ve said, it seems like you’re self-harming to cope with what things are like. I’m not sure how you hurt yourself or whether you have any injuries that you need to care for. It’s important to realise that there are others ways to cope with difficult feeling and situations.

When you notice how nice your friend’s parents are compared to yours, it makes you think about how different your experience is with your own parents. This sounds really upsetting and painful. I don’t know whether anyone knows what things are like for you at home or whether you’d like to do something about it.

If you wanted to, you could always talk to a teacher or trusted adult at school. Depending on what you decide to tell them, they sometimes have to tell someone (like Social services) what’s happening. If that has to happen - and it does depend on each individual case - Social services might want to talk to you and your mum about how things are at home so that they can support you both to try to improve things.

Or, if you’d like to talk about it confidentially, you can always talk to a counsellor. You might even find it useful to check out the message boards where other young people may have similar experiences and can offer their support.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter